Image description: The photograph features a woman with wavy brown hair with blonde highlights and clear-framed glasses. She is in a late stage of pregnancy, sitting at a sturdy wooden desk within a university library. She wears a navy blue top paired with a textured grey open cardigan and is focused on writing in a notebook with a blue pen. Her workspace is filled with specialized academic materials. An open laptop displays a technical document, and a small robotic device sits near her notebook. A sonogram photo is resting on the page she is writing on. In the background, other students work at desks between rows of bookshelves, under a sign that reads "Engineering & Physical Sciences Library – Level 3."
It 91Ƭ ’s Mother 91Ƭ ’s Day month, and I’ve been thinking a lot about a question many graduate students quietly carry with them:
Should I become a parent while still being a student?
For some people, the answer is immediate. For others, it feels impossibly complicated.
As I mentioned a few months ago, I think this is an extremely relevant and underrepresented topic in academia — so here we are.
I’m at an age where I want to start thinking seriously about building a family. At the same time, I’m an international PhD student. I don’t have permanent residency or citizenship yet. My husband just started his postdoc. Our future is tied to visas, funding timelines, and contracts that expire every few years. Stability feels temporary, even when things are going well.
Then there 91Ƭ ’s the financial side.
Graduate school teaches us how to survive uncertainty: stipends, short-term appointments, conference travel, moving cities, postponing “real life” milestones. Academia asks for long-term commitment while rarely offering early long-term security. It 91Ƭ ’s hard not to wonder: Can I realistically support a child like this?
And unlike many people outside academia, many of us are doing this far from home.
No grandparents nearby. No lifelong support network around the corner. No easy “Can you watch the baby for an hour?” moments. Everything — emotionally, financially, logistically — feels heavier.
There are also parts of research that make the decision even more complicated. Some of us work long hours in labs. Some handle toxic chemicals, biological samples, radiation, contaminated water, solvents, or other hazardous materials. Even when safety protocols exist, pregnancy can suddenly change what risks feel acceptable.
And yet, biology does not pause for comprehensive exams, publications, grant deadlines, or postdoc applications. In academia, family planning is often treated like something we can optimize later, after the next milestone.
But there is always another milestone.
Recently, I came across an interesting by Dr. Jill Hoffman, where she shares 12 things she learned after becoming a mom during the final year of her PhD. Maybe it helps someone make a more informed decision. Or maybe it just reminds us that there is no perfectly timed decision.
I don’t have answers yet. Maybe that 91Ƭ ’s the point of this series.
I want to create space for conversations many graduate students are already having internally but rarely say out loud: fear of losing momentum, fear of waiting too long, fear of financial instability, fear of choosing the wrong path.
Once again, I want to hear from scholar moms who made — and are making — it works. Not because it was easy, but because they found ways to build both a career and a family in imperfect conditions.
If you’re a graduate student, postdoc, researcher, or academic parent, I’d love to hear your experience:
When did you know you were ready — or not ready — to become a parent in academia?
And if you’re curious, interested, or even considering sharing your experiences or resources, feel free to reach out and connect with me through the Queen 91Ƭ ’s Address Book on Outlook.